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Saturday, 20 January 2018

The toughest week of our lives: part one

It's taken long time for me to have a chance to wrote these posts and it appears having a newborn means you have absolutely no time to yourself.

After my last post about reaching my due date, I ended up going more than a week overdue. We never wanted to commit to Christmas plans as we didn't know when this baby would arrive. I was convinced that if she didn't come early, then she would want to come on Christmas day. Well Christmas eve (5 days overdue) came and she was showing absolutely no signs of coming so we decided to go back to Devon for Christmas. This felt a little risky really but we packed all the hospital stuff just in case; at the end of the day it's still only just over an hour away if we needed to get back.

We were only home from Christmas eve morning until boxing day morning but the whole time I felt really very rotten. So much so that we came back early boxing day so I could see my midwife to get checked out. I wasn't really sleeping and getting myself pretty stressed, mainly worrying about my blood pressure. It's been on the higher side for a while and when at home I used Richards BP monitor to check it just out of interest. I don't think it was very accurate really as one reading was pretty high, the other completely normal, but this didn't do much good for my stress levels! Anyway, when back and at the midwife's, she confirmed that my blood pressure was high and sent me into hospital to get checked out.

Apologies for how awful I look! I was soo swollen!

When we got there it remained high but I didn't have any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia so they didn't medicate me but offered me induction. After a pretty long discussion with Scott we decided that induction was probably for the best. I had felt rubbish for ages and the blood pressure was most likely due to my stress so what was the point prolonging it any more? I had been niggling for ages and ages but labour was nowhere near.

So I had the propess and off to the ward I went to wait for things to happen. Scott went home to get some rest and sort the dog out and I got some kip. The propess was a pain in the arse, I was having so much mucoussy show that every time I got up, it came out!! This meant I ended up with loads of examinations before I was even doing anything.

By the morning I was tightening pretty regularly and when Scott came back in at 10am I was uncomfortable enough to need my TENS machine. At points I think it really helped but it was also annoying too, more of a distraction that actual pain relief but still, at least it seemed to be doing something. The last time the propess came out (about 8am) they said that they'd be able to break my waters so I went on the waiting list to go to delivery suite.


By about 2pm, I was contracting 4:10 lasting over 1min. GREAT! Getting there, hopefully...

At 3pm I was transferred to delivery suite and they broke my waters. Despite contracting already, there had been no change in my cervix. Up until this point although the contractions were painful, I was fully coping with them and felt in control of what was happening. As soon as my waters went I felt like I was dying. I cannot explain how horrendous it was. I felt like my whole pelvis was being ripped apart, the contractions were back to back and I was having no break to recover in between. I was only 1cm dilated so to begin with I refused to use the entonox... It was my first baby and I was only 1cm, I had a LONG LONG way to go and my experience as a midwife told me not to use it.... That last probably about 4 contractions and then I was puffing on it like my life depended on it. Unfortunately for me, it did absolutely nothing for the pain but just made me feel like I was VERY drunk and VERY out of control. I was screaming the place down which was particularly awful as I was in the room next to the staff room so all of my colleagues would have heard me making an absolute meal of it. I'm soo embarrassed. I knew I would swear, and I swore A LOT! After just a few minutes on the entonox I was begging for some pethidine which they gave me straight away, This seemed to space the contractions out a bit and relaxed me in between but when they did come they were still excruciating. So much so that I was begging for my epidural straight away, which again I got pretty much in record time, they didn't waste any time. Probably desperate to shut me up. The anesthetist (who I didn't know) was great but she did take two attempts at getting my epidural in and then I had quite a high block. I didn't care, it bloody worked and I was finally out of pain!

Not the way I intended on labouring..
Soon after my epidural went in they reexamined me. I can't remember the timings exactly but it couldn't have been much longer than about an hour from them breaking my waters; I had gone from 1cm to 4cm. Not bad!! Maybe thats why is was so excruciating?

3 hours later I was 4cm again, and they ascertained that baby was deflexed OP position (back to back with her head at the wrong angle) and I started the synto drip to make my contractions more effective. I was also pretty sore down below which my midwife put down to maybe a latex allergy from the catheter? I was really swollen and sore looking. I hadn't realised I was sensitive to latex before, you would have though I'd known as I use latex all the time when working. My hands often get dry and sore after working but I always put that down to washing them regularly at work, not because of the latex gloves.

Anyway, 3 hours after starting the drip, I had only progressed to 5cm. I was feeling pretty downhearted. Again being a midwife, seeing that little progress and having a baby in the position that mine was, I knew the outcome was looking pretty bleak. I was lucky enough to choose the midwife looking after me and we had a good talk about what it all meant. I was ready to give up and request a cesarean. She said to me that I had only been on the synto for 3 hours and that I should give it more of a chance. She said that if I was her daughter, her advice would be to carry on for another 3 hours to give myself as much chance as possible. So that's what we did.

3 more hours passed, and I was 5-6cm... So decision made, we went for a cesarean section. This was fine by me, I understood and wasn't really scared of theatre. Id been on the other side a million times so knew exactly what to expect. The only thing I was nervous about was knife to skin. As soon as that was done and I didn't feel it, I was fine. Scott, however, didn't like theatre at all. Not surprising I guess as he's never been in a situation like that in his life; and a very different experience than just me, him and the midwife in a room on our own.



Philippa Mary Ware
28th December 2017 @ 03:37am
7lb 13oz

Done. In no way the way we would have liked but I can't exactly say I'm surprised. I always had a feeling that things wouldn't be straightforward. But I don't mind, we have our beautiful baby girl. It's all worth it. Labour was horrendous and I can't imagine ever wishing to do it again but I am so thankful for the amazing care we received, we couldn't have asked for anything more. 

I'd like to say that all was well from now on but that wasn't the case, stay tuned for part two of our saga!


Tuesday, 19 December 2017

Due Date


So today's the day, the due date! I really thought I would have had a baby by now. I was soo convinced I could get her out early. Just goes to show doesn't it! I write this post right before going to bed with just an hour left of the 19th so its a pretty dead cert that shes not showing her face today! Grrr!!

Today, I went for a long walk around westonbirt with some work friends to see if that might encourage her... I have had a few tightenings but nothing exciting, only the same tightenings I've been getting for weeks. I think shes far too comfortable in there!

The texts and messages from everyone have already started "any news? Any signs? Had a baby yet??" That's going to get annoying very quick! Didn't think anyone really cared that much!

I really would like a baby before Christmas so that gives her another 5 days. Either that or wait until after boxing day, for babies sake More than anything. The lead up to Christmas is always exciting and fun, particularly when in school. However having a Christmas birthday is a bit rubbish as it's often over looked and I also think that the time between Christmas and new year is a bit depressing too!

I'm going trend up being induced on New years eve (term +12) aren't I!!!

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

I wanted to have a baby yesterday!

39+1/40

So I have finally caught up all of my posts and this is the first one written on time! the 12th was my Grandad's birthday so really would have loved my baby to have been born on his day. Since 37 weeks I have been chomping at the bit to have her but really felt fate might play its part in getting her here for this date. I think I made too much of the date as the night before I basically didn't sleep at all which wasn't a good start for hopefully going into labour!  Even yesterday evening I was still kind of hopeful as I had been tightening all day and my hormones were obviously flying as I had a couple of outbursts of tears for no reason at all. Today, I woke up and she was in a really awkward position and have had very few tightenings today. I'm still very tired too so I would be surprised if anything happened today. To be fair I am starting to resign myself that actually labour is really not that close at all right now!


I have tried a few things to get labour going. I have been drinking raspberry leaf tea - though probably not as regularly as I should be. I have brought myself an aromatherapy diffuser and have been pumping clary sage around the living room most days. A few months ago I brought myself a exercise/birthing ball (whatever you want to call it) as I get really uncomfortable in the evenings so I have been religiously bouncing up and down on that to try and get things going. The last thing I have been doing (which I have put most my hopes in working) is expressing. I have been leaking colostrum since about 19 weeks and nipple stimulation is meant to get your hormones going so I thought this would be a good thing to get on. To begin with I was only doing it ever other day. since 38 weeks I took to doing it daily and in the last few days I have been doing it twice a day. Maybe this is why I have been niggling so much? Though, not's not like labours actually started so who knows if any of this is doing anything! If nothing else, if this baby comes out and is a rubbish feeder, I have about 60mls colostrum frozen ready to feed her! I don't know why I am keeping it all really but I can't bring myself to waste it. We work so hard to express colostrum with women for their babies it doesn't seem logical in my brain to get rid of it!

Generally the last few weeks have been pretty boring and tiring so not the best few weeks of my life as I can't occupy myself with the things I would usually do. Despite this, up until this week I have stayed in good spirits but I have to say I am now starting to find it difficult to stay positive. I'm trying to find things to keep me occupied each day. My carpal tunnel is now in both hands and by far the most debilitating. At it's worst (like today) I have constant numbness and/or pins and needles in my fingers and everything I do I have to think about the positioning of my hands. One thing I have found that is both a time killer and not too painful on my hands is playing computer games. In the lounge, Scott has a computer set up with Steam and we sometimes play games using Xbox controllers. We recently played the Lego Harry Potter games and I have spent quite alot of time completing all the extra content. If I sit on my ball and use the controller, I am still moving my fingers to keep the circulation going but my wrists are at neutral positions which means I don't get too much pain. Now I've completed both games though I don't know what to play next!?



On Monday I decided to go shopping for some Christmas presents (we had done absolutely nothing up until this point). I managed to get everyone's all at once and wrapped them all too! They are not exactly thoughtful presents like I usually try to do but giving the circumstances I am just happy that I managed anything at all! We are pretty much all up together house wise so I hoped this might count as my nesting phase??



I know that life with a newborn is going to be pretty tough and I'll probably be even more exhausted than I am now but at least I will be occupied all of the time. It's all this sitting and waiting around which is killing me. Come on baby Ware we are so ready for you now!


Tuesday, 5 December 2017

38/40 - more moaning

I really hoped to have enjoyed being pregnant more, particularly in the latter weeks but I just seem to have one complaint after the next. For the last week I have had a pain in my back around my kidney on the left side. to begin with I didn't think much of it but it then got worse and I started to wonder if I had a urine infection. In the end I made an appointment with the GP just to get my urine checked - I didn't go to the midwives as if I had got a urine infection, they only would have referred me to the GP to get an antibiotic prescription anyway. 

This proved more hassle than it was worth. First of all I saw a practice nurse who freaked out when she saw I was pregnant, then freaked out even more when she realised I was a midwife. She bascially did my obs and made me another appointment with the Dr for 40mins time. I stayed up there and waited, and she was running about 40mins late!! I then saw the doctor who ascertained that she thought it was muscular pain but was worried about my blood pressure. at 138/86 it is climbing for me as I booked on 106/60 something and have generally sat at around 110/70 but the hospital are also not going to be interested in that at all, not without any other symptoms like protein in my wee. Anyway, she felt I should get it rechecked again in a few days time.

So I went back in 3 days (I think it was) and it was 139/86 - the same! Again the doctor didn't really know what to do with me and was still worried about it so I pulled the midwife card and said that I don't meet protocol so they wont do anything about it - but she still felt like she had to ring the unit haha. I do understand, she wants to cover her back and its better to be safe than sorry. As expected, they weren't interested but did want me to have a midwife check up early in the next week just in case.

At my 38 week appointment it was 114/86 so fine. Apart from not not having had a baby yet and being exhausted all is going fine. COME ON BABY!


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