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Friday, 14 April 2017

Big Fat Positive!!


The signs weren't obvious this time. OR maybe they were but I didn't want to get my hopes up. It was only really a day or so before my period was due that I allowed myself to consider it as a possibility. I was talking to a friend at work about having an achy back and being very tired and she got my hopes up saying it sounded very positive!

I was on nights so I waited until the next evening to test. The evening before my period was due. A POSITIVE AT LAST!! only took 5 months after the miscarriage! This month I did get a bit more irrational about it too.. I used some ovulation sticks which did confirm that I was ovulating when I thought I should be. I also made sure we 'did the deed' more then enough times! I ovulated whilst on nights so this meant jumping him both in the morning after work and again in the evening before going back in! The other slightly (very) gross thing I did was sleeping with my mooncup in after 'doing it' to ensure 'maximum potential'!! It was the first time trying those things so who knows if they actually made a difference!

The Backstory

This will very much be a backstory as I am writing these posts in December and backdating them! The reason for this is that this 'Diary' I started in hard copy, writing each post by hand and sticking photo's in etc etc... Well, that hasn't exactly been continued after a few entries, a bit like the bullet journal I started, was meant to blog about but never did! Now for reasons explained later, I am unable to write endlessly with a pen! My Blog has always been somewhat of a diary for me and I love looking back through posts and reading all my ramblings. So here goes:


When do you decide to make a baby?
When did we get old enough?
Are we even grown up enough?

When I was younger, I always thought that 27 was a good age to start making babies. Definitely a 'grown up' and hopefully in a good position to start a family. A husband (check), a house (check), good incomes (check) and happy (double check). so no I am 27, the only thing missing is the grown up bit... 
When do you actually actually start feeling grown up? Yes, I am responsible for looking after myself, the dog, my husband (though he looks after me far more), paying the bills and going to work. I own m own car and re regularly go on nice holidays. So I guess I am grown up right? However, I am still selfish, lazy, I like getting my own way and spending my money however I choose (after paying the bills of course!).

Over the years we have always said we want children someday ans ideally we wanted it to 'just happen'. which is pretty much what happened first time round...

I thought about coming off my pill for a long time as I was fed up with rubbish, irregular periods and putting hormones in my body all the time. Although it didn't particularly matter if I got pregnant, we weren't particularly thinking about babies yet. I eventually took the plunge and stopped taking it in July 2016. We were careful to begin with as it still wasn't really on the cards but by October we got risky (and frisky I suppose!). I had a couple of rough months at work and was certainly feeling like I needed something else in my life. A distraction I guess...

Anyway, my October period never came! 
I actually suspected I was pregnant about a week before my period was due. Mainly my boobs were sore and i occasionally felt a bit weird and sicky. When I first did the test it was a bit weird but we soon got our heads around it and we happy and excited.

Unfortunately it didn't last very long. To celebrate 10 years of being together, Scott and I went to Berlin for a long weekend. We flew out on November the 10th. All we spoke about on the way over were potential baby names. We went through A-Z thinking of a name for each. When we arrived at our swanky hotel, I went to the toilet and noticed I was spotting fresh blood. My midwife head was telling me not to panic but I knew that was it. I went to bed that night and a few hours later woke with severe pain and heavy bleeding. I was 6+4 weeks so barely even started my pregnancy journey.

I was very matter of fact about it all and we still managed to enjoy our weekend away. Though it will always be how I remember Berlin. The experience definitely made the decision for me that it was time to start a family. We still didn't want to go crazy with the 'obsessively needing to get pregnant' thing but we were wanting it. I also assumed that it would be as easy as last time to get pregnant...

Turns out that wasn't the case!!


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